My new ticky-tacky designer house. Totally.

OMG. Where is the crew of "Tacky House" when you need them? Double points off if those are indeed framed Mao prints in the dining room.

Click here.

My new multimillion-dollar heap of not much. Totally.

Has a pile of junk ever cost this much? Only in Bel-Air.

Click here ...

My old-fashioned new house that can be seen from space. Totally.

I'd repaint the exterior (maybe shades of gray with plum accents) and change the wallpaper, but I'm fairly fond of the polished wood floors. And the living room floral window treatments and tapestries have GOT TO GO. I'd go more of a light and bright interior, as if we were by the sea in Cape May ...

Click here.

My new pyramid. Totally.

Ooooohhhhhmmmmm...

Click here.

My new little house on a hill overlooking the water. Totally.

I'm sorry -- they had me at "3-stop elevator."

Click here for the ... video!

My new beach shack. Totally.

Just a little place to kick back on the weekends and watch the surf.

Click here.

My new unpretentious little pile in the Hamptons. Totally.

The only problem with a place with THIS many bedrooms -- how do you keep the sketchy relations from visiting?

Click here.