My new lots of battery-operated friends. Totally.

Rock-star hamsters, hedgehogs, skunks, chipmunks, squirrels, bunnies and raccoons, oh, my! If I couldn't talk somebody into buying me a regular Zhu Zhu hamster, NOW what do I do?

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(PS: The only thing weirder than being an adult who wants a battery-operated hamster is buying one for yourself. So there. Don't judge me.)

My new tails. Totally.

Multiple raccoon tails are one thing, but attached to a plaid man-dress? Honestly, they look more like giant woolly bear caterpillars.

Ewww.

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My new relatively cheap Frank Lloyd Wright fortress. Totally.

It's historic. It's designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. It looks like you could hold off invaders with a couple of buckets of hot oil and a squad of archers. Who wouldn't want a piece of that?

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My new $2,000 trash bags. Totally.

So, what's to stop me from taking a Hefty bag, a stencil and going to town?

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My new reason to watch C-SPAN. Totally.

Scott Brown will be sworn in as the new senator from Massachusetts on Thursday, Feb. 4. And yeah, he was a centerfold. Pity C-SPAN isn't in HD.

They don't call him Hottie McAwesome for nothing.

My new reason to let them eat cake. Totally.

Marie Antoinette would take one look at this and fall end over crinoline. Dang.

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My new reason to be a Winter Olympian. Totally.

Yeah, it would take years of sacrifice and work and toil and blood and sweat and tears, but on the upside, I would get to wear cool Ralph Lauren gear, inspired by the 1932 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid.

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I went to Lake Placid just before the 1980 Winter Olympics, and all I got was mascot Roni the Raccoon.