My new half-bath. Totally.

I. Don't. Even. Want. To. Know.

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My new weekend place. Totally.

The French Chateau-inspired Batcheller Mansion (with a minaret) is also a functioning bed-and-breakfast, so I can have all my friends over.

Cheap at twice the price!

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My new house made entirely of hard surfaces. Totally.

I'll never understand people who want to live in houses that look less comfortable than a tire-store waiting room (and have the same concrete floor).

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My new ticky-tacky designer house. Totally.

OMG. Where is the crew of "Tacky House" when you need them? Double points off if those are indeed framed Mao prints in the dining room.

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My new multimillion-dollar heap of not much. Totally.

Has a pile of junk ever cost this much? Only in Bel-Air.

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My old-fashioned new house that can be seen from space. Totally.

I'd repaint the exterior (maybe shades of gray with plum accents) and change the wallpaper, but I'm fairly fond of the polished wood floors. And the living room floral window treatments and tapestries have GOT TO GO. I'd go more of a light and bright interior, as if we were by the sea in Cape May ...

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My new pyramid. Totally.

Ooooohhhhhmmmmm...

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