My new weekend getaway. Totally.

Three kitchens, no waiting!

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My new humble home office. Totally

Stuff, stuff and more stuff, and the LDS church is not far away ... doesn't get better than that!

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My new, er, pool . Totally.

There are a lot of soft padded surfaces and hard stone floors in this house. Leeetle schizo ...

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My new gallery of horrors. Totally

My head hurts.

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My new row of naked white guys. Totally.

Uh, well, um ... huh. I got nuthin'.

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My new pointy-headed busybodies. Totally.

And the next thing you know, they'll decide that large garages are unsightly, and everyone will have to engage car services (only black limos, no stretch, well-polished, drivers in uniforms, WITH hats) ...

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My noo shooz/pet ... totally

Lends a whole new meaning to the phrase "on little cat feet" ...

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My new favorite dress. Totally.

At least I'd get the value out of those fancy panties!

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My new half-million-dollar flophouse. Totally.

Now that's what I call a fixer-upper. Does all the trash come in the price?

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My new ridonkulous giant hand house. Totally.

I don't think it's real. I hope it's not real.

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My new half-bath. Totally.

I. Don't. Even. Want. To. Know.

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My new weekend place. Totally.

The French Chateau-inspired Batcheller Mansion (with a minaret) is also a functioning bed-and-breakfast, so I can have all my friends over.

Cheap at twice the price!

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My new house made entirely of hard surfaces. Totally.

I'll never understand people who want to live in houses that look less comfortable than a tire-store waiting room (and have the same concrete floor).

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My new ticky-tacky designer house. Totally.

OMG. Where is the crew of "Tacky House" when you need them? Double points off if those are indeed framed Mao prints in the dining room.

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My new multimillion-dollar heap of not much. Totally.

Has a pile of junk ever cost this much? Only in Bel-Air.

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My old-fashioned new house that can be seen from space. Totally.

I'd repaint the exterior (maybe shades of gray with plum accents) and change the wallpaper, but I'm fairly fond of the polished wood floors. And the living room floral window treatments and tapestries have GOT TO GO. I'd go more of a light and bright interior, as if we were by the sea in Cape May ...

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My new pyramid. Totally.

Ooooohhhhhmmmmm...

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My new little house on a hill overlooking the water. Totally.

I'm sorry -- they had me at "3-stop elevator."

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My new beach shack. Totally.

Just a little place to kick back on the weekends and watch the surf.

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My new unpretentious little pile in the Hamptons. Totally.

The only problem with a place with THIS many bedrooms -- how do you keep the sketchy relations from visiting?

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